Being sent from the cabinet to the wall 🗄️, "the Dutch art of doing nothing" 🛌, how fast went from "vast" to "quick" 🏃
Welcome to the latest instalment of English and the Dutch, the newsletter with tips and tricks, fun facts, new translations and other good stuff about how Dutch speakers speak English. In your inbox every third Wednesday of the month.
The newsletter is written by me, Heddwen Newton. I’m half Dutch, half British, and I work as a translator, teacher, and linguist. I am the owner of the website www.hoezegjeinhetEngels.nl, and the newsletter English in Progress.
Quiz
This Dutch speaker isn’t saying what they want to say with these sentences. What are they trying to say? What does the English speaker understand? How should they have worded it?
My uncle loves antics. His flat looks like a museum. (one issue for Brits, two for Americans)
He has a middle-aged cabinet, it still has writing from the 1500s on its backside. (one issue for Americans, two for Brits)
He’s a genial man, he knows so many historical facts out of his head. (two issues for all English speakers.)
Family ties
Dutch and English are cousins, perhaps even sisters, depending on how you like your familial metaphors. In this section, I highlight some surprising ways in which they are related.
“Fast” and “vast”
The English word “fast” means “quick”, but this is a relatively new meaning. “Fast” used to mean “firm”, “tight” or “secure”, just like “vast” still does for us Dutchies.
We can still see this old meaning in “to be fast asleep”, “to hold fast to something”, “to be fast friends”, “steadfast” (= standvastig) and of course in “to fasten” (= vastmaken) and “fastener” (= sluiting, haakje).
The other English word for “quick” used to be, you’ll never guess, “snel”. It has completely disappeared from English by now, except for in Scotland, where you might still hear people speak of “a snell wind”.
Nobody really knows how “fast” went from meaning “firm and secure” to “quick”, all we really know is the Scandinavians had something to do with it. When the Vikings conquered a big part of England, moved in and intermarried, they had a major influence on the English language. The shift in meaning happened in old Norse before it happened in English, so it’s probably all their fault.
But how did the shift come about? Etymologists think it came via the meaning “hard” or “severe”; in Old Norse you could say drekka fast "to drink hard," and telja fast "to give (someone) a severe lesson". (Think of the Dutch “vastberaden” or “vast in je overtuigingen staan”). “To run fast” would then mean “to run hard”, which is how the speedy meaning came about.
Also relevant (kinda):
In the late 17th century, when a sailor wanted you to stop doing something, they would shout “Avast!” It basically just means “stop!” Now better known as an antivirus company, so named because they stop viruses from getting onto your computer and/or doing damage. It’s a nautical term, so of course it comes from the Dutch: it is probably a derivation of the Dutch “houd vast!”
Recent translations
beren op de weg
An old article that I recently improved. “Beren op de weg” is one of those Dutch sayings that simply does not have a cool translation. In English, we have to talk about “potential problems” or “challenges ahead”. So boring! More here.
van het kastje naar de muur
Sometimes I hear a Dutch expression and I immediately think “oh my goodness, I haven’t done that one yet, how is that possible?!”. This was one of those. Such a fantastic Dutch expression to express that you are being sent from one unhelpful person to the next during some, usually bureaucratic, quest. “Being sent from pillar to post” is the most obvious translation, but I worry that it will not always be understood in the right way. Other English expressions could be “to be given the runaround” or “to be sent on a wild goose chase”. Great English expressions, but both not quite perfect, either, which is why I think a more prosaic description such as “being sent from department to department” might be a better choice in many cases. More here.
ingeving
This is one of those subtle differences in meaning where I think I might be the only one who feels it. “Ik had zo’n goede ingeving” is usually translated with “I had such a great idea”. My problem with that translation is that it feels arrogant to say “I had such a great idea”, whereas it feels less arrogant to say I had a great “ingeving”, because an “ingeving” just comes about, it wasn’t me who had the idea, it just came to me. “A flash of inspiration” or “an epiphany” feel too grandiose, even though those words do impart the sense that the idea came from outside of you. At home, I usually say “I just had a brainwave”. It feels nice and small, and not too arrogant. More here.
Links & other fun stuff
Niksen - the Dutch art of doing nothing
There are, apparently, five (!) English-language books on “niksen”. One of them has been translated into 13 languages. This article in The Guardian does a good job of discussing the hype, and makes sure to add that, though Dutch happens to have the word “niksen”, the art of doing nothing is not particularly Dutch. “It has nothing to do with our culture. On the contrary, we’re Calvinists and tell each other to work harder.”
Nationaal Congres Engels
The Nationaal Congres Engels is the main conference (not congress, please) for English teachers in the Netherlands. It takes place every two years in Ede. This year, I will be leading a workshop on Minority Englishes. Should we discuss minority variants of English such as African American English and Australian Aboriginal English with our students? Come talk to me about it on Friday 22 March!
Gaston Dorren on a charming American podcast
American-podcast-with-British-presenter Subtitle recently aired an updated version of its 2016 interview with Dutch language writer Gaston Dorren. The result is a charming interview about languages and more than a bit about Dutch and Limburgisch. I even learned something new: Dutch is referring to everything as male nowadays, apparently forgetting that words can also be female (“haar”) or neuter ( “het”). “Waar is het glas water? Ik heb hem daar neergezet.”
Newsletter tip: I like to watch
If you like my newsletter that writes about the Dutch language in English, you might also like Anke Meijer’s newsletter that writes about (mostly) English series in Dutch. Meijer is a professional television critic who has a keen eye for the most interesting new programmes; I consider myself quite the connaisseur when it comes to television and film, but this newsletter has already given me a few great tips that I had never heard of.
Answers quiz
My uncle loves antics. His flat looks like a museum. (one issue for Brits, two for Americans)
What are they trying to say? Mijn oom houdt van antiek. Zijn flat lijkt wel een museum.
What does the English speaker understand?
A Brit understands: Mijn oom houdt van dolle streken en capriolen. Zijn flat lijkt wel een museum.
An American understands: Mijn oom houdt van dolle streken en capriolen. Zijn lekke band lijkt wel een museum.
How should they have worded it?
For Brits: My uncle loves antiques. His flat looks like a museum.
For Americans: My uncle loves antiques. His apartment looks like a museum.
“Antics”(= dolle streken, capriolen) and “antiques” (= antieke meubels en voorwerpen) don’t only have different spellings, the pronunciation is also different: “antics” has the stress on the first syllable, whereas “antiques” has the stress on the second syllable, making the “i” sound more like an “ee”.
Dutch people also often translate “antiek” as “antique”, but in English this can only refer to one object. “That statue is an antique.” When referring to multiple objects, English always needs a plural. “That shop sells antiques.” More here.
Americans don’t say flat for one level of an apartment building. The word “flat” as a noun isn’t very usual in American English, so they would mostly be confused by the sentence. It could refer to a flat piece of land (especially in car racing or American Football), a flat note or “the flat of your hand”. Or, as above, to a flat tire. “I’m sorry I’m late, I had a flat.” More here.
He has a middle-aged cabinet, it still has writing from the 1500s on its backside. (one issue for Americans, two for Brits)
What are they trying to say? Hij heeft een middeleeuwse kast met een geschreven tekst uit de 16e eeuw op de achterkant.
What does the English speaker understand?
A Brit understands: Hij heeft een kast van middelbare leeftijd met een geschreven tekst uit de 16e eeuw op zijn achterwerk.
An American understands: Hij heeft een kast van middelbare leeftijd met een geschreven tekst uit de 16e eeuw op de achterkant/ op zijn achterwerk. (The meaning “buttocks” for “backside” is also known to Americans, and perhaps more immediate than the other meaning, so just because an American will understand you correctly, doesn’t mean they might not also see the humour in it.)
How should they have worded it?
He has a medieval cabinet, it still has writing from the 1500s on its back.
It is a common mistake by non-native speakers, not only Dutch people, to go from “the Middle Ages”, which is correct, to “middle-aged”, which is not correct. People who are middle aged are between 40 and 60 years old. They are between childhood and old age. More here.
By the way, please don’t write “mediaeval”, all it does is make you sound pretentious. “Medieval” is the preferred spelling in both British and American English.
“Backside” is one of the more amusing mistakes Dutch people make. They are simply translating the word “achterkant”, of course, but “backside” means “achterwerk”, i.e. your buttocks. For me as a Brit, it is always funny. Always a challenge to not laugh when my students come out with it, which they inevitably do.
In American English, “backside” does get used to mean the back of something, meaning the Dutch mistake isn’t a mistake for Americans. However, I get the feeling the sentence above is still funny for Americans. Perhaps for Americans a better sentence would be “He has a medieval cabinet, it still has writing from the 1500s on the backside.” Americans: let me know in the comments! More here.
He’s a genial man, he knows so many historical facts out of his head.
What are they trying to say? Hij is een geniale man, hij kent zoveel historische feiten uit zijn hoofd.
What does the English speaker understand? Hij is een vriendelijke man, hij kent zoveel historische feiten - niet goed bij zijn hoofd.
How should they have worded it?
He’s a genius. He knows so many historical facts off by heart.
“Genial” is a false friend with the Dutch “geniaal”. When someone is “genial” in English, they are friendly and pleasant. They get along with everybody. It isn’t a very common word in English, a little old-fashioned by now maybe, so many Dutch speakers have never heard of it, making the mistake quite a common one. More here.
The second mistake is more important. If I had a penny for every time I hear a Dutch person say they need to learn more vocabulary out of their head. In English we say “to learn something off by heart”. “To be out of your head” means you are drunk or stoned or crazy. More here.
Referral programme
I have set up a referral programme for this newsletter. By clicking on the button below, or the “share” button, you will get a unique link. Email it to friends, share it in your Facebook or WhatsApp group, post it on Instagram…
If three people sign up via your link, you will get access to a page full of stupid jokes and internet memes about English, Dutch, and language in general. Because I am a teacher, and I cannot help myself, I have also added an explanation to the jokes that are a little more difficult to understand.
If ten people sign up, you will get a custom comic with old timey people or animals, created just for you. If you are not really sure what that would look like… neither am I! Get to ten referrals and lets find out together!
If 25 people sign up, you get a stack of ten Hoe-zeg-je-in-het-Engels postcards sent to you by post. I brought 200 of these postcards along with me to the Onze Taal conference last year and they were gone in an hour, so I think it is safe to say that they are pretty cool.
(Obviously, if 25 people sign up you will also get access to the jokes page and the custom comic. You get an automatic email every time you reach a new benchmark.)
And finally…
And finally, a silly joke, funny video or interesting picture that I found on the Internet, that has something to do with Dutch and English.
English speakers have been making fun of Dutch recently after someone spotted a tweet by Geert Wilders that started with “We hebben een serieus probleem”. (The fact that it was Geert Wilders has nothing to do with anything, it could have been any Dutch person on Twitter.)
English speakers think the similarity to the English “We have a serious problem”, but with the extra e in “probleem” and especially the “hebben” sounds hilarious, and very similar to how JarJar Binks speaks in Star Wars. More about the meme here. English speakers explaining why it is funny here.
The number of mistakes in this newsletter is directly proportionate to the number of times my three-year-old woke me up last night.
Geweldige nieuwsbrief! Gelijk doorgestuurd naar mijn partner, docent Engels op een middelbare school 😃
Fun newsletter! I'm a Brit, now living in the US. I lived in Den Bosch 79-85. At the time, I was fluent in Dutch and almost in Brabants. My Dutch friends and I would play language games all the time. A favorite was to speak in literal translations of Dutch idioms, especially in meetings with American visitors, who expected Europeans to understand "behind the 8 ball" and so on. "It doesn't make me out".
Thank you for giving me another chance to play.